Conversation Killers

Credit to who deserves it. This title and the inspiration for this post stem from Roger Connors and Tom Smith in How Did That Happen? (2009). On page 140 they talk about conversation killers as related to acting accountable and holding others accountable. My list of conversation killers applies to many communication situations, including but not limited to the ones on accountability.

I know you will recognize many of these ‘killers’, I am not really telling you anything new. The question, however, is:  Will you recognize them as killers you use?  Taking it a step further, will you not only recognize them but invest in learning to avoid them, which, of course, requires that you understand why you use those killers in the first place? What purpose do they serve you? Is it a good purpose, a good cause, and do you just need to seek different ways to accomplish your goals, or is it wise to adjust your purpose and objectives all together? Questions only you can answer, so let me stick to listing some of the main conversation killers.

1.       Confusing assertive communication, where you honor both parties and their rights and feelings, with aggressive communication, where you overrule and violate the other person, whether knowingly and willingly or not.

2.       Throwing statements, conclusions, and judgments across the table rather than asking questions and listening to what is being said in words and through non-verbal behavior.

3.       Which takes me to: Implying things indirectly rather than stating them openly and directly, and even more of a killer: Denying insinuations and allegations that are clearly implied by what you say, how you say it, or what you neglect to say and do.

4.       Finger pointing, blaming, and accusing rather than exploring each person’s perspective and role in the total situation.

5.       Preparing your come-back or rebuttal while losing sight of what is being said and meant right here and now as a result of not listening.

6.       Confusing someone’s ‘no’ or the communication of boundaries with the person attacking you and your character.

7.       The bad old “always” and “never”, often used between arguing partners and in conversations between parents and their children.  These words not only rarely apply to situations, they also block any real conversation because they push the other person into ‘defense-mode’ to prove that your exaggerations are unwarranted.

8.       Confusing your own subjective and inherently limited reality with the one-and-only reality, closing the door to the world of multiple perspectives and realities.

9.       Getting stuck on details when the bigger picture is what matters, or, focusing on the big picture when details are in the way of getting to that larger place.

Again, the value of this post is not in the new insights. There are none in this article. Everything has been discovered, said, and explained before. The value lies in becoming aware of and exploring your own communication skills and killers, in understanding their dynamics, and in finding ways to avoid them.

Increasing Your Social Fitness

How you interact with others across situations and your ability to speak and act on your values in the face of situational pressure is what psychologist Philip Zimbardo and colleagues call ‘social fitness’. Even though the building of social fitness might benefit from techniques like learning to give at least one compliment to one person each day and from telling others what’s unique about them, I believe more fundamental work has to be done before social fitness is built to last and to succeed.

Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee have written a book titled Primal Leadership – Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence. These authors and researchers talk about the four components of emotional intelligence: self awareness and self-management (clustered as ‘personal competence) and social awareness and relationship management (clustered as ‘social competence). These four components are crucial not just in effective, inspiring leadership as the authors argue convincingly, but in healthy, happy living and working for anyone.

The four components, or better, capabilities, determine how you manage yourself and how you manage relationships. Is there anything else as important to manage? I don’t think so, whether you’re a leader or not, whether you’re employed or not, but with the recognition, of course, that for leaders (including parents who lead their children and everyone leading inside or outside the realm of business) it might be even more crucial to be leading (or better living) with a high Emotional Intelligence considering their influence on others.  

Both self awareness and social awareness are the basis for self management and relationship management, and both types of awareness are rooted in the views and principles of the Gestalt Psychology on which I have written before http://www.caromoors.blogspot.com/2011/03/gestalt-approach-to-organizational.html)

The three elements of self-awareness that Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee identify are emotional self awareness, accurate self-assessment, and self-confidence (see also: Why Women Leaders Need Self-Confidence on HBR Blog Network by Leslie Pratch). Some important aspects of self-management are, not surprisingly, self-control, transparency, adaptability, and optimism. In the category social awareness, empathy plays a crucial role. J. K. Rowling’s perspective on this component of emotional intelligence is “Imagining yourself into the lives of others” as she put it in a marvelous speech that I highly recommend you watch, with thanks to my dear friend Margje Ramaker who sent me the link: http://pottermoreravenclaws.tumblr.com/post/13486344610/j-k-rowling-on-failure-and-success-suggested

As for the last of the four major components of emotional intelligence, relationship management, and thus the fourth component of social fitness, Goleman and colleagues list inspiration, influence, developing others, and conflict management as some of the defining ingredients.

With this list of elements of strong self awareness and strong social awareness, it will be clear that there is a lot of work to do to build lasting social fitness, but also work that can begin right here and now, step by step, with the help of Goleman’s books on the topic or any other resource delving deeper into the ‘what, how, and where to’ of emotional intelligence. With such great authors and resources I do not feel the need to rewrite, add, or duplicate. I merely wish you many successful and inspiring social fitness sessions, because the discovery and growth never has to end and maintenance is as key here as it is in keeping up your house, yard, or car!

Monopoly, Chutes & Ladders and the Power of Attitude

In their book “High Altitude Leadership” Chris Warner and Don Schmincke discuss two different kinds of luck. The first one is pure luck. The luck (good or bad) that just happens by chance. This is the case with the game Chutes & Ladders. When our children were younger they loved this exciting, unpredictable game. And even though their chances of winning did not increase no matter how often they played it, even though it is just a matter of luck as soon as you spin the wheel, they would feel so proud and happy upon their victory. And of course they did, because winning a game is fun. And even though they disputed this many times (“I’m just better than you mom!”), there is no relationship with skill whatsoever.

The second type of luck is skill-based luck like the ‘luck’ in games such as Risk or Monopoly. The luck you (can) actively create using your insights and skills in a smart way, like the buying and selling of streets and houses in Monopoly. This is skill-based luck you can influence. One major ingredient for skill-based luck is not a skill, however, but your attitude. It has been widely researched and documented, including in the medical world, that people with a positive mental attitude get more accomplished, attract more successful people, recover quicker from illnesses or from an unwise move in a game for that matter. One such specific example of a positive attitude is imagining how things could have been worse and not dwelling on ill fortune that comes your way, again, applicable to dealing with life’s events as with bad moves in all kinds of games. If you decide (because it is a decision, whether conscious or not, and often learned and shaped early in life by the role models and the kind of guidance we received) to take control of the situation, to re-shape your environment, to rethink your options, to re-design your goals and strategy, to re-define, re-assess, and appreciate what’s left and what new possibilities can do for you, you are in charge by the power of your attitude. It’s the attitude, the look on life, the approach you choose that influences everything else. Looking on the bright side of things and working through hardship, searching for ways to benefit from what is now inevitable sure isn’t always an easy task, fra from, but as soon as you start pitying yourself, focusing on the negatives and allowing yourself to be sucked into the victim role you’re doomed for depressed moods, hopelessness, and self-defeat which than sets in motion a halo-effect, negatively influencing your thinking, feeling, deciding, and what you aspire to accomplish.

So my advice for the weekend: Reflect on your attitude. Reflect on your attitude in good times and in difficult times.  In what way and in which situations is your atttitude of service to you? Where do you see opportunity for change and growth, and what is it that you need to get there?

Good luck. The attitude-based luck that is!

Getting out of the box - Questions and Curiosity

                                                                                           

It might be counter-intuitive in the “I need to be the expert” rat race and with the belief that we have to be all–knowing, whatever the job or position we hold. However, I belief a good starting point for any conversation with yourself and with others to be: “I don’t know, let’s find out, explore, and then act wisely” unless, of course, you are certain of things.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you know I value the art and skill of questioning. Not because I would have loved to be an investigator of any kind nor because I take to philosophy, which I do. The true reason is that I see too many dead-end thinking processes. I witness too many conversations clogged with preconceptions, prejudices, assumptions, and unshakable beliefs that leave no room for different beliefs or perspectives. And I see too many ego-driven conversations with little or no meaningful focus on the other person, whether it be a client, superior, subordinate, or loved one. I believe all this to be dangerous in life, in business, in personal development, in politics – you name it.

So my question to you today is: Can you ever ask enough questions? Not easily, is my opinion, and I am not just speaking from a customer-focus point of view where you are trying to gain relevant information about customers or prospects. I mean in general. I therefore suggest we spend more time freeing the mind of preconceptions, prejudices and assumptions by asking more questions, almost like children do:

-What makes it so?

- Why not?                         

- How so?

- Why not the opposite?

- How do you know?

- Where to?

These and similar questions decrease the chances you stay locked up in possibly old beliefs that used to have value but, in a changing world, have lost most of their power. These questions decrease the chance you constrain yourself to the limitations of the “preconception straight-jacket”. These questions decrease the chance that you are perceived (and worse, operate as) a quick-fix shallow person with an inflated ego.

Some of the questions I suggest you contemplate

1.       What moves me?

2.       Where am I heading?

3.       Who moved me today?

4.       What are three different perspectives to use on this issue?

5.       Who did I move and inspire this week?

6.       What have I upset today, what did I stir up?

7.       What would I do if I weren’t afraid?

8.       What risks do I take?

9.       Where can others find my imprints?

10.   What do I want to see when I look back 10 years from now?

Asking relentless questions, asking thought-enhancing questions, that’s what broadens your perspective, that’s what makes you focus on others, that’s what helps you look inside, that’s what makes you take advantage of multiple perspectives, that’s what facilitates charting new territory, and that’s what enables creative problem-solving.

True, many questions don’t have definite answers, but that’s perfectly okay, better get used to it. It’s not always (or often not) about finding the right answers, it’s about asking the right questions and the process of re-examining and re-thinking that it fuels.

Bouillabaisse For Personal Effectiveness

Bouillabaisse is a traditional Provençal fish stew originating from the port city of Marseille , France. This delicious dish is a seafood soup made with various kinds of cooked fish, shellfish and vegetables, flavored with a variety of herbs and spices.

There is also a bouillabaisse for personal effectiveness, which, with the right ingredients and flavoring can assist you on your life long journey of personal growth and development. These are the must have ingredients. A list you can supplement and spice according to your taste – according to your station in life and your personal needs.

The basic ingredients for the bouillabaisse of personal effectiveness:

-       100 % Awareness of yourself (such as your beliefs, your strengths and weaknesses, your feelings and responses), awareness of others, and awareness of your environment. Without it there is little (self) knowledge, understanding, connection, and influence.

-       Ripe values that guide you in good and in difficult times and that show others what you stand for. Your values influence every decision and how you came to this decision. Your values are the essence of who you are. They help you choose a career, an organization, a partner, and much more. And if they do not, you will end up unfulfilled, disappointed, ever searching, or any other type of imbalance.  

-       A strong sense of purpose so that you and others know where you are heading and why. People seek purpose and people gladly join and follow someone who lives and acts with a clear and communicated purpose. A purpose statement defines your vision (where you want to go), your mission (what you do), and your strategy (how you get there, how you do it).

-       A healthy appetite for humor and play: laughing about yourself and laughing with others releases tension, puts things into perspective and is a fun thing to do. Laughter is a strong medicine for mind and for body and therefore another necessary ingredient for the bouillabaisse of personal effectiveness. And besides, laughter is known to lower blood pressure, reduce certain stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, it increases memory and learning, and it improves alertness, creativity, and memory just to mention a few health benefits of laughter.

Ready for your delicious bouillabaisse of personal effectiveness? It all sounds so easy but let’s put you through a test: Can you list your beliefs, values, purpose and the amount of time spent laughing, all without much thought and in 2 minutes? If not, you might want to explore and work on these ingredients because you should not have to think about them or have difficulty formulating them.

Enjoy the soup, but more so, the process, the journey, the cooking.

From The World Book of Happiness

Post number 100. I decided to make this a positive and happy one. The World Book of Happiness was my inspiration for this post.

Findings and food for thought from about one hundred experts in Positive Psychology, that’s the World Book of Happiness. More than just positive talk, these researchers from Germany, South-Africa, China, the U.S., France, Austria, Iceland, Australia, and many more countries share insights based on world-wide scientific research.  Knowledge about the role of family, money, genetics, free will, health, stress, future perspectives and about happiness for individuals, groups, and countries is shared in this wonderfully compiled work by Leo Bormans.

I’m just passing the stick, passing a tiny piece of happiness wisdom here.

Dr. Jose de Jesus Garcia Vega, university of Monterey, Mexico

Ignorance is the biggest obstacle on the path to happiness. There are many small and big ideas and methods to live a happier live, and many of them work well. Knowing is the first step, consistently applying them is the second step. It’s amazing how many people work hard, their whole lives, trying to be successful, totally forgetting to live happily. Later in life they spend a lot of money on trying to fix their health, their relationships, their family.

Do you recognize yourself or loved ones?
 

Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky, experimental social psychologist, University of California

Studies with identical and fraternal twins show that every person is born with an innate ‘set value of happiness’. That is the baseline or potential for happiness to which you always return, even after heavy setbacks or fantastic triumphs. You could compare this with the set value for weight. Some people effortlessly stay at the same weight while others have to work real hard at it, because their set value for weight is much higher. Does this mean we’re doomed as far as level of happiness is concerned? It’s not, says Lyubomirsky. Her controlled intervention research shows that people’s happiness can be increased and sustained through permanent changes and actions. Some of the deal makers are:

-          Creating a feeling of connection with your goals.
-          Avoiding excessive worrying about little things.
-          Investing in relationships.
-          Learning to forgive.
-          Enjoying small things.
-          Appreciating what you have.

Nothing much new, but how well do you score on these, how much time do you invest in these areas?

Professor Michael Hagerty, computer sciences and psychology, University of California

You can increase your happiness by consistently

-          Learning the art of forgiving to prevent being eaten by bitterness.
-          Healthy optimism that helps you persevere.
-          Setting goals that make you proud.
-          Daily meditations to get to know yourself better.

My experience taught me that for most people the hard part is in the ‘consistently’.

Dr. Vahid Sari-Saraf, Tabriz University of Iran, physiologist

Dr. Vahid Sari-Saraf researches the immune system of happy people and discovered the secret power of sports. Research with Iranian students has shown that athletes have a more extraverted personality and are happier than non athletes. Within the group of non athletes there is also a strong correlation between extraversion and happiness. Playing the right kind of sports for you on a regular basis can be a pleasant and social activity and stimulate happiness.

Another good remedy: laughing. An old saying in Iran says:  A laugh heals all pains.

How is your level of physical activity? How about laughing? Remember, a baby smiles around 400 times a day, and many adults don’t even make it to 20.

Hamba Kahle!

(Zulu for Good Luck)

Shifting your Focus

Struggling to change a habit, managing a transformation, switching jobs, acquiring new skills, juggling too many accounts … you fill in the blank, challenges abound. Just to be clear right from the start, I too believe that every situation, every person, and every challenge is unique and has it’s specifics. I do not believe in golden rules so this post is about reminding you of something you already know, but what might have been pushed to your background while digging into your challenge deeper and deeper:

Changing your focus can provide you with new perspectives, shed light on some of your blind spots, create a different mindset, positively influence your attitude, and point towards coping strategies otherwise gone unnoticed.

Below you'll find nine of my questions that can help you shift your focus. Try them!

1.    Are you listening to yourself? Many different aspects of yourself such as the language you use, the places where tension builds up in your body, the stories you create in your own mind etc. can give you clues to your beliefs, your strengths and weaknesses, your thought processes, your attitude, and more.

2.    What are the consequences of staying in the status quo, or: What happens if you don’t change? Have you asked yourself this question lately? What’s keeping you from moving, growing, taking risks, charting new territory?

3.    Are you taking full advantage of what you are already doing right? Of course, figuring out what’s not going right provides you with important information. But solely focusing on the ‘wrongs’ will affect your (and others) attitude negatively and it misses out on the opportunity to make it a two-track process including building on strengths, skills, accomplishments, present knowledge, and gifts.

4.    Are you using multiple perspectives from within and outside ‘your circle’? I’ve mentioned the value of approaching people who think unlike you in previous articles so I’ll leave at this.

5.    Are you using metaphors such as a classroom, a football team, a group of sailors, a tutoring situation, a herd of deer, or a scientist working on a medicine to look at your challenge?

6.    Have you grown complacent or do you lean more towards frantically running from one goal or challenge to the next? What are you putting on your plate and what are you allowing others to put on your plate? What is driving you to act complacently or frantically?

7.    Have you acted as your own advisor and coach lately? I refer to the old technique used in therapy, training, and coaching where you act as your own advisor by pretending that a good friend or colleague approaches you with your challenge and asks you for advice. Or a different version: You are a 20 year older ‘you’, wise from life’s experiences and you write a letter of advice to your younger (current) ‘you’.

8.    Have you lately played with what’s in your foreground and what’s in your background? At times we get so tangled up in a situation and in our set beliefs and ways of thinking that we do not realize we are doing ourselves a disservice by what’s on our screen and what we neglect to pay attention to. We don’t even differentiate between the two.

9.    Have you gone so deep into your personal comfort zone that changing is simply too much of an effort and that staying where you are and being part of the pack is just fine? And if it really is just fine or even great with you, then you’re good to go: stay in your comfort zone and be part of the pack. But if you keep yourself from moving towards your purpose, your values, your passion, and your goals, and if you know and feel that you honestly aren’t happy with the way things are, than get off that seat and mobilize support, tools, confidence, and energy.

Shift your focus, open new doors, and above all, see with different eyes.

Inspiration from the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra

Recently I reread parts of the book Leadership Ensemble – Lessons in Collaborative Management from the World’s Only Conductorless Orchestra, and I remain to be intrigued.

In the world of traditional orchestras, where the board of trustees, administrative management, and of course the conductor play key roles in determining strategic direction, project selection, and resource allocation, the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra has arranged things a little different  and it sure performs differently. The musicians of Orpheus participate in all areas of organizational decision making. The structure of Orpheus reflects the power of musicians. The structure of Orpheus also reflects principles like passionate dedication to mission, shared and rotated leadership, and clarity of roles which all have proven very fruitful.

Orpheus was founded in 1972 by cellist Julian Fifer and fellow musicians. They all aspired to perform a diverse orchestral repertoire using chamber music ensemble techniques and self-governing techniques. Orpheus is one of the few self-governing ensembles playing today.

Orpheus performs without the usually all-powerful conductor and rotates musical leadership roles for each work. The Orchestra strives to empower its musicians by integrating them into almost every facet of the organization, literally changing the way the world thinks about musicians, conductors, and orchestras. And, about leadership.

The orchestra’s success is founded on eight principles that I will briefly mention and that are meant to help you contemplate, and if necessary re-think and revise your leadership beliefs and practices:

Principle 1: Put power in the hands of the people doing the work. Key words: power, decision-making authority and realizing people’s full potential.

Principle 2: Encourage individual responsibility. Key is that every individual takes the initiative to resolve issues.

Principle 3: Create clarity of roles and functions. Key is: avoiding employee conflict, wasted effort, poor morale, and poor products and services.

Principle 4: Share and rotate leadership. Key is valuing and using everyone’s contribution and benefiting from unique skills and experience.

Principle 5: Foster horizontal teamwork. Key words: optimizing personal expertise and individual responsibility.

Principle 6:  Learn to listen, learn to talk. Key is listening actively and intently and speaking directly and honestly.

Principle 7: Seek consensus. Key is that no organization or group can move forward unless its members agree to move together in the same direction at the same time.

Principle 8: Dedicate passionately to your mission. Key is: member-owned mission and passion drives focus, energy, determination, decision, and results.

For more information and inspiration I recommend the book by Harvey Seifter and Peter Economy.  

Lesson from Buddhism

Living in the now is one of the premises of Buddhism. The secret for health of body and mind, is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely.

Living the present moment wisely surely includes learning from the past and anticipating the future in order to live and enjoy this day and be resilient and resourceful if this is what tomorrow asks for.

Anything up for revision, improvement, or reinforcement in your beliefs, thinking, attitude, or approach to life? 

Lao Tzu on Leadership

Go to the people
Learn from them
Love them
Start with what they know
Build on what they have
But of the best leaders
When their task is accomplished
Their work is done
The people will remark:
"We have done it ourselves."

Small Can Be Big

Some time ago I came across an article (European Heart Journal, March 2011) in which it is stated that little movements can make a big difference. Recent American-Australian research shows that people putting up their arm while sitting at their desk or standing up while they’re making a phone call score lower on a variety of risk factors for heart diseases as compared to people who sit still. A possible explanation is that every brief exertion of the skeletal muscles counts in enhancing blood circulation. In another study (PNAS, Feb. 2011) American researchers showed that the usual age-related shrinking of the hippocampus (crucial for learning and memory) can be decreased by moving more.

This is no commercial for fitness or any other sports. I’d just like to remind you that not only moving is healthy, but, above all, that a small change can bring about a big result or change which is, of course, not at all limited to putting up your arm while sitting behind your desk. I do believe in small things making a big difference, one person and act at a time.

Four small suggestions for big gains:

·         When starting your work day, decide on the desired outcome of the day. Describe two or three specific results. Keep it short and simple, attainable and attractive. You (big) gain: it will focus you, help you redirect during the day, and evaluate at the end of the day.

·         Arrive a few minutes early for your meeting to brush of the previous activity or meeting and prepare for this one so that you actually see, hear, and sense what’s going on rather than being caught up in thoughts and to-do’s that belong elsewhere. These few minutes won’t help you get rid of the daunting amount of things still to do and it will help you achieve more each meeting.

·         Give someone a compliment, let a colleague or subordinate know what you appreciate in them. Small effort, little time, great pleasure and for sure an energy boost for the receiver.

·         Take a few minutes extra to really listen to your conversation partner, to ask that extra question that otherwise would go unasked and that starts a whole different line of thinking.

But it’s not about my suggestions. It’s about making you aware that small can be big. In addition to dreaming big I invite you to add your own small ideas for big and valuable results. If you hesitate, please remember how long it takes to smile at yourself and the world. Makes a big difference if you ask me.

The value of being nonjudgmental

We do it all the time. We form opinions, we put people and situations in boxes, we decide on right and wrong, we categorize, we judge. Judging is a necessary activity. Without the skill to judge it would be an unpredictable, threatening, unsafe, and difficult world to live in, or more than it already is at times and more than it needs to be. Think of situations like when to cross the street, what sitter to trust with your children, which route to take when you're lost, what job offer (the good old days) to choose, what university to look into, how to best negotiate your benefits package and on and on and on.

The title of this post clearly gave me away. There is a time to judge and there is a time to not judge. And what many of us have great difficulty with is knowing which of the two to do when. Take for example hearing criticism (call it the truth or not). As Jerry Hirshberg, founder and retired president of Nissan Design International in California stated: "Even people who don't mind telling the truth have mixed feelings (at best) about hearing the truth. It's like a chemical reaction: Your face goes red, your temperature rises, you want to strike back. Those are signs of the two D's: defending and debating. Try to fight back with the two L's: listening and learning."

The best way to shut down communication and stifle honest feedback is to punish people who speak up candidly. To snap at them, to quiet them, to publicly ignore input, and to dismiss their ideas by judging them prematurely as impossible, not in line with company policy, too difficult / expensive / out of the ordinary or whatever the judgment is. This quick judging instills fear, demoralization, and apathy at best, and rebellion and couter-productive attitudes and practices at worst.

My suggestion: postpone judgment (excluding crisis situations, of course), listen and learn, inquire by asking questions, see the value of differences and variety, and give people and ideas a chance before you prematurely judge them into the world of the 'weird, the unwanted, and the impossible'.

Always have a Dream

This poem by Amanda Bradley was on the front page of our son’s end-of-year fifth grade brochure, and it seems to me it fits right in with a blog on Personal Development, Leadership, and Change.

Always have a Dream

Forget about the days when it’s been cloudy,

                but don’t forget your hours in the sun…

Forget about the times you’ve been defeated,

                but don’t forget the victories you’ve won…

Forget about mistakes you can’t change now,

                but don’t forget the lessons that you’ve learned…

Forget about the misfortunes you’ve encountered,

                but don’t forget the times your luck has turned…

Forget about the days when you’ve been lonely,

                but don’t forget the friendly smiles you’ve seen…

Forget about the plans that didn’t seem to work out right,

                but don’t forget to always have a dream!

By poet and novelist Amanda Bradley

Dr. Warren Bennis on Change Management

This post concerns part of an interview of a couple of years ago, in which David Wright speaks with Warren Bennis, best-selling author of numerous books on Leadership, presidential advisor, consultant to many Fortune 500 companies, and top speaker on management. I choose the piece below because it reminds us of the importance of three crucial change processes: involving, informing, and educating the people involved. Nothing shocking, nothing complicated, but so often overlooked and underestimated by change makers.

Warren Bennis: “Change isn’t necessarily something that is resisted at all times by all people. I think, in some cases, there are people who really anticipate, look forward to and thrive on change. And in this world, if they don’t, they’re going to miss the train. There’s not an institution that I know, not a profession that I’m aware of, that isn’t undergoing constant and spastic change. Change is now the constant. Even though it may not be a natural act for certain people, I think it’s something that everyone has got to understand. Take education, for example. It’s no longer just four years of college. Education is really turning into a process of lifelong learning. Universities are going to have to take responsibility not just for their alumni but for people in much older age groups, who have to keep learning because the half-life of professions is shrinking every day.

The way organizations must deal with change is by helping people realize that in the process of changing they’re going to benefit from all sorts of educational programs and opportunities. The people have to be involved in the change, because if they are part of the process, they’re much less threatened by change. There are a lot of reasons why most people resist change, but among the most important is their reliance on old habits, especially the ones that have been successful. Related to that is self-esteem. If you’re doing something extremely well, are pretty successful at it, getting a lot of rewards for it and your sense of self-esteem is based on your competence, it’s got to be difficult if you’re put into a totally different and new situation. Organizations have to help people get into a safe “holding pattern” where -they can learn new skills without it being a threat to their self-esteem. So to summarize, people have got to be involved in the change, they have got to be informed of the change, and they have got to be educated and put into a safe holding area where they’re not going to be overly threatened by change”.

From "Taking Charge - Lessons in Leadership" by Insight Publishing Company

Book review: Our Iceberg is Melting – Changing and succeeding under any conditions

Authors: John Kotter and Holger Rathgeber, 2005

An eight step model that is explained through a fable about an emperor penguin colony in Antarctica and how they deal with problems and change. I recommend reading and passing on this book. It’s fun, easy, informative, and thought provoking. What character or style do I identify with? How do I/do we try and bring about change? and more. The eight-step model to change is divided into four sections. I will briefly mention the sections and steps. For the real meat you’ll have to read the book, like many leaders and complete groups of employees have done.

Set the stage

Step 1: Reduce complacency and increase the sense of urgency. Help others see the need for change and the importance of acting immediately.

Step 2: Pull together a team to guide the needed change. Make sure it is a powerful group, one with leadership skills, credibility, communications ability, authority, analytical skills and a sense of urgency.

Decide what to do

Step 3: Create a vision of a new future, a change vision and strategy. Clarify how the future will be different from the past, and how you can make that future a reality.

Make it happen

Step 4: Communicate the new vision in many different ways and repeatedly – communicate for understanding and buy-in. Make sure as many others as possible understand and accept the vision and the strategy.

Step 5: Empower others to act. Remove as many barriers as possible so that those who want to make the vision a reality can do so.

Step 6: Produce short-term wins. Create some invisible, unambiguous successes as soon as possible.

Step 7: Don’t let up. Press harder and faster after the first successes. Be relentless with initiating change after change until the vision is reality.

Make it Stick

Step 8: Create a new culture. Hold on the new ways of behaving and make sure they succeed until they become strong enough to replace old traditions.

This is a very brief description of Kotter’s eight step model, but it provides you with the main idea on his model for bringing about change. Also highlighted in this book: The role of thinking and feeling:

Thinking differently can help change behavior and lead to better results.

-       Collect data, analyze it.

-       Present the information logically to change people’s thinking.

-       Changed thinking, in turn, can change behavior.

Feeling differently can change behavior more and lead to even better results.

-       Create surprising, compelling, and if possible visual experiences.

-       The experiences change how people feel about a situation.  

-       A change in feelings can lead to a significant change in behavior.

The question you may ask yourself after reading the book or this summary: “What is my ‘iceberg’ and how can I use what I discover in this story?”.

Let’s Play

Play is often thought of as the domain of children and animals. Playing is good when you’re young, but in our fast-paced, rapidly developing, over-competitive world play is often considered a waste of time. In addition, many think it’s foolish to play and fool around. You just don’t do that. Well, that’s a real waste of precious activity. Because play is crucial to our lives, our health, our liveliness, our resilience and innovation and so much more. And play is so much. It’s joking, rough-housing, playing sports, playing with the dog, board games, music, theater… You get the picture.

Inspired by a May 2011 lecture on play at the University of Minnesota by Stuart Brown, I am  happy to list some characteristics and benefits of play. For more reading I refer you to Brown’s book “Play – How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul”.  

Play

Ingredient for creativity and innovation, tool to rejuvenate, and a way to let go and have fun.

Play

Is a state of mind, rather than an activity. Sometimes running is play, sometimes it’s not, like when you’re afraid and running to escape, or when you’re running away angrily.

Play

A great way to stumble upon new behaviors, thoughts, strategies, movements, or ways of being.

Play

Frees you from established patterns.

Play

Teaches you to make sound judgments.

Play

Lets you learn about the environment and the rules of engagement with friend and foe.

Play

Lets you imagine and experience situations you have never encountered before and learn from them.

Play

Lets you create possibilities that have never existed but may in the future. You make new cognitive connections that find their way into your everyday life.

Play

Creates an arena for social interaction and learning. It allows you to learn lessons and skills without being directly at risk.

Play

Has you create imaginative new cognitive combinations and in creating those novel combinations you find what works.

Play

Creates new neural connections and tests them.

As Stuart Brown states so clearly: “If we stop playing, we share the fate of all animals that grow out of play. Our behavior becomes fixed. We are not interested in new and different things. We find fewer opportunities to take pleasure in the world around us. My family and I love to play, in many different ways. I hope you do too, and otherwise: you’re never too old to start something new.