An Ordinary Day in a Leader’s Life

You will be frustrated

And so you should

Because that’s what happens

When you consult contrarians.

You will be impatient

And so you should

Because you’ll have to listen more

Than you’re inclined or deem necessary.

You will be surprised

And so you should

Because the people you lead

Are full of biases, fears, needs, and brilliance.

You will be uncomfortable

And so you should

Because a leader leads

Into difficult and unknown territory.

You will be embarrassed

And so you should

Because you too make mistakes

Which you have to acknowledge and share.

You will be insecure

And so you should

Because there are many business uncertainties

And unexpected twists and turns.

You, dear leader, will have to keep learning

Because what worked last month

Or in your previous job or context

Often does not work here, now, or tomorrow.

Thinking Bold, Acting Bold, Being Bold

Being bold = being honest with yourself and with others.

Being bold = mustering the strength to appear vulnerable.

Being bold = facing your fears and imperfections.

Being bold = acknowledging how you deceive yourself.

Being bold = questioning your assumptions and behaviors.

Being bold = asking tough questions without sugar-coating.

Being bold = resisting the risk-avoidant behavior of over-thinking.

Being bold = being willing to say ‘no’ and disappoint.

Being bold = being willing to say ‘I disagree’, regardless the hierarchy.

Being bold = knowing you don’t need to be liked by everyone all the time.

Being bold = speaking out and going beyond accepted norms.

Being bold = the first and last step in creating any kind of change.

What is being bold to you? 

How bold did you act today? 

Straight-Talk – From Stress and Struggle to Success

To my relief, candor, transparency, and straight talk increasingly show up in articles and discussions. It is much needed. As much as many workplace and other conversations benefit from subtlety and nuance, at least as many conversations are in great need of honest, sincere expression, of forthrightness, and of frankness in responding.

My business is called HardTalk and clients call me the Candor Coach. At the same time many think I’m on a crazy endeavor. Introducing more candor in communication and in leadership, regardless of the culture and the setting, is generally looked at as opening a can of worms. 

The reason? We are fueled by our fears! You are fueled by your fears and by your tendency to avoid risks. Think of your need for approval (your fear for disapproval), your need for praise (your fear for criticism and disapproval), or your need to be liked (your fear for rejection). For too many people, the desire – or obsession? – to prevent conflict is especially strong. Conflict is often perceived as bad and unpredictable.

To make things a little worse, in addition to being guided by your fears you are misguided by erroneous beliefs, and the two are obviously related. If you believe:

- That tensions and negative feelings should be avoided in conversations

- That showing respect is synonymous with withholding what might be painful, and

- That your need to be liked and accepted justifies indirectness and half truths… YOU ARE WRONG

You do everyone, including yourself, a great disservice by sugar-coating the message, by beating around the bush and by delaying or withholding your opinion. Your customers, your employees, your loved ones – every one loses. They might like the conversation or you better in that very moment, but how about trust, helping each other grow, and showing respect through honesty and straight talk?

Candor with yourself and others decreases blind spots and self-deception, improves communication and collaboration, and it increases trust and accountability. As simple as that. And remember, in a trusting and transparent relationship people can handle confrontations and the, sometimes brutal truth, even if they don’t like it.

Now what? How to start? First, start thinking past the roadblocks and

-       Amend your beliefs on kindness, assertiveness, candor, and conflict.

-       Know and learn to handle your needs and fears.

-       Practice having candid conversations. And practice. And practice.

My next post will cover a step-by-step framework on the ‘how-to’ of candid conversations.