Contemplations on conviction and on being wrong

The question I ask myself today: “How do I deal with failing, being wrong, or being partially mistaken?” Why do I sometimes freak out at the possibility that I’ve said or decided something wrong? 

Many messages, starting at home and at school, tell us we need to be right, preferably a 100% and preferably all the time. Whether you've been told literally or not, most of us have received persistent messages that failure is bad and failure should be avoided. Wrong message, of course depending on the situation. Yet attachment to my own rightness misses the point of being human. It can be very dangerous to be convinced that you’re on the right side of things and that you must be the only one being on the right side of the issue. That's when we stop entertaining the possibility that me may be wrong or merely subjective or merely that there is no right or wrong, just different perspectives, different fears and needs, different and autobiographical response patterns.  How often do you truly and seriously contemplate that you could be at least partially wrong entailing and welcome the opportunity to learn about your preconceptions, blind spots, and areas you can improve or gain new perspectives? How often do you truly and seriously contemplate that  others are just more knowledgeable, wiser, or thinking differently yet not less 'right?'

Thinking you are right and that you see it right might make you feel smart and safe, but when you pretend to know everything or to have the best approach, you miss opportunities to widen your scope, to gain alternatives, to learn something new. 

I like to replace Descartes’: “I think, therefore I am” with Augustine’s “I err, therefore I am”. 

I love conviction and I find conviction dangerous. When you’re convinced of your approach, your rightness, you’re convinced that your beliefs perfectly or best reflect reality. Can they ever? How about other beliefs and realities? How do you explain all those times that people disagree with you? We often assume they're not seeing something clearly or 'objectively', that they’re ignorant, that they're not as smart as we are, or we occasionally even may suspect malicious intent. How about “I don’t know” or “Maybe I’m wrong” or “Maybe there are more perspectives than just mine”. When you acknowledge your own limitations and your limited perspectives, others can do the same. 

Are you ready and wiling to try it more often?

Inspired by empowerment

Yesterday I had the pleasure and honor of being part of a graduation ceremony at RESOURCE Inc. in Minneapolis. The Bright Futures Program of the Employment Action Center (EAC) of this organization graduated its first group of young females – teen mothers who are keen to improve their lives. These young ladies graduated from the Empowerment Course that they attended on a weekly basis – a course that was recently added to the many diverse services the EAC has been providing for many years.

While assisting in handing out a delicious meal the group’s facilitator shared with me how the women had overcome their initial objections, hesitations, fears, and worries. How they had opened up, how they had cried and laughed together, how they had supported each other, and how they had witnessed each other grow, everyone at her own pace and with her own challenges. The energy, pride, and admiration with which the facilitator spoke about ‘her students’ was nothing less then remarkable. Her heart and soul were clearly invested in using the Empowerment Program to touch and improve lives.

During the ceremony itself, each participant was provided a certificate of completion, but, most touching and powerful was the personal recognition that every woman received. This recognition described a remarkable personality trait or a stunning accomplishment, whether big or small – the ritual visibly touching facilitator as much as student. At least equally powerful was the passion, presence, vigor, and personal approach the facilitator displayed when addressing each individual - qualities that explained the strong connections that were apparent. Once again it showed that no matter how well designed and written a program, its results and impact rely heavily on the person implementing it. I am happy to have played a small part in this endeavor by proposing, designing, and writing the Empowerment Program, but, above all, I am happy and encouraged to see how a facilitator, a leader, guided by passion, purpose, and values can work wonders with a curriculum and with people. How such an inspiring, empowering leader can awaken courage, willingness, and drive in others and make such a huge difference in someone’s life. This is yet another example of great leadership, one that too often goes unrecognized.

After more than an hour in a hot room filled with excitement and joy we came to the end of a journey, or better: the end of the first leg of what I hope to be a life-long journey. “Flowers in bloom”, it read on the festive cake that was cut by an engaged program manager. I hope they keep blooming.

Differences, Diversity, and Leadership – Part 2

We all know too many examples of people being treated unjustly, being excluded and bullied because they look, seem, or are different from others, whether it be because of intellectual capabilities, mental or physical disabilities, skin color, political beliefs, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, or any other reason. One of the underlying dynamics involved in this division between different people or groups is feelings of insecurity mixed with ignorance which often leads to intolerance and superiority behavior. Unfortunately, there are examples in abundance on a daily basis. Sadly enough, the topic ‘bullying’ is dominating an increasing number of media programs and school actions and we hear news casts on bullying that results in suicides. So how strong is our knowledge on dynamics like bullying and how well do we know ourselves and our own prejudices, judgments, and motivations for our actions regarding differences and diversity?

Whether you are a parent, teacher, coach, business leader or anyone else, only with leadership by compassion, by living the values, by gaining from differences and by showing yourself personally accountable will we accomplish the seemingly rare instances of truly valuing differences and seeing beyond them without having to feel insecure and threatened. Let’s take a closer look at differences and diversity. Education, social standing, religion, personality, belief structure, past experience, affection shown in the home, and a myriad of other factors will affect human behavior and culture, including behavior related to dealing with differences. For the sake of transparency, predictability, and security, as far back as many centuries ago significantly less complex societies were setting norms and using standards. Setting them automatically implies that you can deviate from these norms and standards and it will be no surprise that people for long have felt the strong need to categorize. Humans have a tendency or better, a need to categorize everything, including people. It simplifies our world and makes communication, business, education, and other areas easier and more effective, or so we believe. Stereotyping, often the result of categorizing, is one example of a potentially dangerous activity  because it tends to exclude or discriminate against people and it tries to convey something about an entire group of people, leaving individual differences out in the cold. Stereotyping also tends to include judgments on right and wrong or better and worse which will not benefit the ones that are considered ‘outside’ the standard group.

Back to business and leadership. To what extend and in what way do you and your organization use and celebrate differences? What values regarding diversity do you talk and walk? As Gregorio Billikopf of the University of California states: “Often, observations on cultural differences are based on our own weakness and reflect our inability to connect with that culture”. Faulty observations and generalizations are abundant, but the fact remains that there are many differences between cultures, between groups, and between people within groups. According to one of Michael Argyle’s studies, Latin Americans make more eye contact, face each other more, and touch more when they speak than non – Latin Americans. Or think of an Asian business partner saying “Yes”, meaning: “I hear you” rather than “I agree”. Cross-cultural observations can easily be tainted and contaminated by many factors. As we interact with people from different cultures, there is no good substitute for sharp observation skills, receptiveness, inquisitive questions, and common sense. Of course there are cultural differences, but these differences between cultures and peoples can and should add richness to all of our lives by providing us different views and ways, sparking interest and curiosity, and, above all, by providing a doorway to our own preconceptions, generalizations, and blind spots.

Maybe closer to home, many couples tend to have long-standing quarrels over serious and trivial things. Existing differences surface as people move in with each other. The most important thing, however, is how these differences are handled. Do you view them as interesting, do they spark your interest in the other person, do they help you contemplate your own beliefs and your ways of doing things, do they add juice and humor to your life and your relationship? In your relationship and in your company, is dealing with diversity a challenge, an opportunity, a way of life?

More and more companies are well on their way with great programs for increasing awareness and for enabling a different way of thinking and acting, but the road to valuing diversity and to striving for inclusion is still long and difficult. Just to name three fields, medical professionals often complain that they have trouble dealing effectively with patients from minority cultures or subcultures, many foster parents struggle in their care for children with different cultural and religious beliefs, and in too many companies people feel discriminated and treated unfairly because of their ‘being different’. How can your believing, acting, and being bring about change?

Difficult and easy complement each other.

Long and short exhibit each other.

High and low set measure to each other.

Back and front follow each other.

From the Tao Teh Ching by Lao Tzu

Whole Systems Leadership

Two weeks ago I had the pleasure of a Leadership Conversation with Mary-Jo Kreitzer, the inspiring director of The Center for Spirituality & Healing of the University of Minnesota whom I first met a couple of years ago. The Center, as I will call it, provides a view on leadership that is similar to my view and, above all, well worth checking into. Out of my passion to spread and to share I refer you to their site:

http://www.csh.umn.edu/wsh/Leadership/

Whole Systems Leadership in Brief

Leadership is behavior, choices, an attitude and not a position. Leadership is a way of doing, but more so, a way of being. It’s not as much about positional power and expertise as many people believe it to be. Leadership implies dealing with complexities and interdependence. The Center’s and my leadership premises are based on system thinking, on the gestalt psychology (with its focus on awareness) about which I’ve been writing on this blog, and on continuous learning - ingredients that make leadership adaptive and that enable appropriate responses to complex situations and dynamics.

The Center’s website on Whole Systems Leadership provides you with their vision, with a listing of the six core characteristics of whole systems leadership, with many great suggested readings on the topic, and with questions, exercises, and a learning module.

Enjoy. Be inspired. Take on new perspectives.

Differences, Diversity, and Leadership – Part 1

When you see the word ‘diversity’ you might think of diversity as a moral imperative or a societal goal, which I believe should be a given. It should be supported by everyone - wouldn’t that make a great world? Or you might think of the ‘business case’ for diversity: a company with a diverse workforce with both genders, many generations, and ethnically and racially diverse employees has a competitive advantage and will perform better in a global marketplace than a less diverse company. Quite a few studies suggest that diverse, heterogeneous teams promote creativity, innovation and product development.

When I think of diversity, I think of two kinds of diversity. First, I think of diversity based on factors like ethnicity, gender, color, age, race, religion, national origin, and sexual orientation. Second, and certainly not less important in the workplace and in life, I think of diversity as the numerous individual differences between people and the uniqueness of each person as is expressed in one’s communication style, career choices, parenting style, conflict resolution style and other unique expressions that influence and constitute a person. All these differences make us think and act differently from one another. We approach challenges differently, we solve problems in our own unique way, we differ in our perspectives, suggestions, interactions, and decisions. I believe that an effective and healthy family, team, business, or community requires recognizing, respecting, and utilizing these differences and each person’s unique perspectives.

If you look at the dictionary you find that the word ‘different’ is acquired via Old French from Latin, meaning become or be unlike. Searching for synonyms of ‘different’ you find words like dissimilar, unlike, unequal, peculiar, distinct, divergent, other, and diverse. Diversity is what our planet is made off. Without diversity we would not survive. Whether it be plants, animals, humans, services, products, climates, political systems or any other area, diversity and differences make life possible. As we all know, however, diversity and differences between and within groups often leads to division. Differences between people and groups can follow two paths.

The first path takes you to a place where differences are being valued. They complement each other and add value, beauty, new perspectives, and strength. They lead to curiosity, to an open mind, to acceptance, and to growth due to differences. All this goes far beyond ‘tolerating’ differences, which often boils down to accepting them (sometimes only reluctantly), without actually using them, let alone benefiting from them. The real case for diversity I think implies recognizing, respecting, valuing, and using differences of all kinds. Diversity requires an open mind but probably more so self-knowledge and self-confidence – the absence of feeling threatened. This leads to the second path, where differences are seen as a threat, where they create distance and magnify all that is unlike yourself or your style and your own ways. This path can easily lead to division, putting others down, bullying, condemning, dominating, excluding, and repressing – something that is much too prevalent, and not just in countries that are seeing courageous protests in opposition of this repression.

How people deal with diversity and differences is influenced by many personal, psychological, social, political, cultural, and economical factors, but, more importantly, it’s every person’s responsibility. We should all be held accountable for how we approach diversity and how we treat people and groups that we perceive to be different from ourselves, whether it be at home, in the workplace, at school, in the store or anywhere else.