We are all lousy listeners …

… even though we know that

Listening builds trust
Listening adds perspective

Listening expands your mind

Listening is a show of respect

Listening breaks down resistance

Listening creates buy-in and support
Listening provides you with feedback

Listening conveys that you are interested

Listening turns you into a well-informed person

Listening helps you understand, remember, interpret and evaluate

Listening expresses that you care about others’ opinions and concerns

But only when it’s real listening, to what is being said and to what is being left unsaid – only then. But only when it’s active listening, with the right kind of questions – only then.

My advise to you and myself: Listen, with your heart and head, while being fully aware and present, in the here and now - It's a hard and important thing to do.

Crash Course in Critical Thinking

For anyone who thinks he’s in control or who likes to be in control, I’ve got bad news for you. Scientists believe to have shown that the brain runs largely on autopilot. Whether you like to hear this or not, if this is true, your brain acts first and asks questions later (if at all), often explaining behavior after the fact. I don’t like this, but I recognize it. I see it in the workplace and I see it in my own life. I don’t think this mechanism serves us well. It encourages the deadly sin of avoiding accountability, assigning blame to someone or something, and deceiving yourself into thinking that you are right. It keeps biases, misconceptions and self-deception untouched. Not a good thing. Whether you and I believe the notion of a brain on autopilot or not, I still believe in the necessity and the power of critical thinking. Here’s why.

Think of your average workplace conversation or meeting. Have you ever witnessed people leave even more convinced of their own ideas than before the meeting? Have you ever been in a conversation that lasted and lasted, with few questions asked and those that were asked were the wrong kind of questions. Have you ever seen two people talk, thinking that they understood each other, thinking that they agreed on one and the same thing only to see them leave with two different interpretations of the main problem and the solution?

These situations are no exaggerations nor are they exceptions. They happen, and they are detrimental to quality thinking processes, quality discussions, and quality decision-making. They make the workplace more tense, inefficient, and ineffective, because they lack critical thinking. Not a good thing.

In it’s course Critical Thinking, the University of Hong Kong describes critical thinking as the ability to think clearly and rationally. This requires reflective and independent thinking. Reflective thinking happens when you scrutinize your own (or someone else’s) assumptions, thought patterns, and behaviors, as well as your fears, needs, distortions and biases. Independent thinking refers to thinking that is minimally affected by peer group pressure, social media, common belief, parental influence, or any other force from outside.

Not an easy task, even though most people who read this post may think that they’re just that: reflective, independent thinkers. Well, you’re likely not, or at least less than you think you are.

Particularly two aspects of critical thinking as defined at the University of Hong Kong attract my attention because I think most of us fail to do so:

1. Detect inconsistencies and common mistakes in our reasoning.

2. Reflect on the justification of our beliefs and values.

Critical thinking is mostly about evaluating your own thoughts, examining possible flaws, and detecting biases in your own approach. When was the last time you really practiced this? And how differently would your conflict with another manager, or the tension during a performance review conversation, or the decision making during that team meeting have transpired? So consider the following questions:

How curious are you really? 

How often do you consciously refute your cherished beliefs? 
When was the last time you eagerly widened your perspective in a disagreement?
How easily do you doubt yourself and suspend your judgment about that one manager that everybody is gossiping about? 

I’m guessing not so often and not so much, and that makes you human. It’s more likely that you’ve jumped to premature conclusions, that you’ve accepted your own assumptions blindly, and that you are only remotely (if at all) familiar with the practice of carefully and critically examining your preconceived notions.

So what to do now? Examples of questions that help you think critically in different stages of your thought process:

- Do I have enough perspectives?
- Have I consulted a variety of sources?

- Are my assumptions valid?
If so, why? 
- If not, why not?
 What are they even based on?

- What am I not willing to see/look at?

- Which preconceived notions should I re-examine?
- Who or what can help me stress-test my assumptions?

- Do I need to gather or investigate more facts and data?

- What do I need to do to remain alert and open-minded while I implement my ideas?

The above questions are only one necessary step to become a mindful, reflective, and critical thinker. Someone who is 'comfortable' to hunt for inconsistencies and mistakes in their own reasoning and to reflect on the justification of long-held beliefs. 

Continually questioning how you are searching, choosing, interpreting, and judging information is essential to critical thinking and can help minimize group think and intolerance. It makes you a smarter thinker, employee, leader, and team member. It makes the world and the workplace a much better place!

Do you … really?

Do you speak out, when no one else does?

Do you really?

Do you lead, even when no one is following?

Do you really?

Do you give without expecting to get in return?

Do you really?

Do you know when you are deceiving yourself?

Do you really?

Do you put honesty above your need to be liked?

Do you really?

Do you listen to inconvenient, dissenting opinions?

Do you really?

Do you work hard to deliver results when making excuses is easier? 
Do you really?

Do you really admit fault, which is different from a ‘show-time apology’?
Do you really?

I sure don't always do these things – there is plenty of room for improvement.

A Positive Mindset Made Practical

According to the well-respected Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, positive thinkers enjoy:

- Less stress
- A longer life span
- Lower rates of depression
- Increased resistance to the common cold
- Better stress management and coping skills
- Lower risk of cardiovascular disease-related death
- Increased physical well-being and better psychological health

There are many renowned educational institutions such as UCLA - the University of California, Los Angeles, that extensively research the dynamics and the benefits involved in a positive mindset but it also just makes so much sense: a positive outlook on life and positive thinking patterns do you much more good than the negative counterpart.

I have presented on the power of mindset for government agencies, large financial institutions, energy companies, and many more organizations in Minnesota. My audience especially appreciates the practical tips for positive thinking. So here we go:

•       Pay attention to your inner monologue and correct negative self-talk such as “This is a disaster”. Some things really are a disaster, but most are not. Of course everyone has their own standards, but be sure not to exaggerate the negative while you neglect the positive and talk yourself down. Another example is “I can’t do this.” It’s much more productive to ask yourself “What is it that I need to learn to improve?" or "What is it that I need from others to master this?” Invest in recognizing self-sabotaging and self-deceiving thoughts and behaviors and stress-test and adjust them.

•       Focus on living in the here-and-now and appreciating the present moment. Most of us score pretty low when it comes to living and appreciating the moment right now. We spend a lot of time regretting the past and fretting about the future, which is mostly a waste of time and energy. Mindfulness based stress reduction training and other awareness training programs help you live more in the moment without neglecting the past or the future. And they prove to have positive effects on sleeping problems, attention spans, and eating disorders according to research by UCLA, the University of Minnesota, and many other research institutions.

•       Focus on what is working (and celebrate success) rather than on what is not working or what might possibly not work in the future. Focus on solutions rather than problems.

•       When dealing with a problem or worry, especially when your 'worry cognitions' seem to take full control of your head and heart, you want to do a reality check: How much will this honestly matter in a few hours, next week, next month, and a year from now?

•       Practice a positive explanatory style, which is a positive way of explaining events in your life: Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them and they see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future and in other areas of their lives. Conversely, they see negative events as not just being their fault. The latter can pose a danger, of course, because you do need to see your own role in negative events and hold yourself accountable. The idea is to see negative events as isolated events that have nothing to do with other areas of your life or future events. Unless they clearly do, of course, in which case we’re talking a totally different situation.

•       Do a reality check with someone you trust to be candid and enlist their help for feedback. I’m talking candid feedback on your mindset and on your thinking style. Actively seek out perspectives that are significantly different from yours.

•       Open yourself up to humor and laughter, especially about your own idiosyncrasies.

•       Write down worry-thoughts and set aside a time to think about them. Don’t allow them to interfere at any time of the day and with everything you do.

•       We all know it but do you act on it: when you eat, sleep, and exercise well, you feel better and are healthier, more positive, and more successful. Proper nutrition keeps your mind sharp and your brain healthy. It helps you stay alert and handle pressures and stress from your everyday life. In 2012, at the yearly meeting of the Society for Neuroscience, scientists were able to associate the foods people eat to how and what they think.

•       Practice gratitude daily. There is increasing interest and research into the benefits of gratitude. One of the findings tells us that a five-minute daily gratitude journal can increase your long-term well-being by more than 10 percent. That’s 2.5x the impact of winning $1,000,000 in the lottery! How does a free five-minute activity do what $1,000,000 can’t? Gratitude improves your health, relationships, emotions, and career. Even though the money is pretty awesome, the principle of hedonic adaptation assures that we quickly get used to the extra money and we stop having as much fun and happiness as we did when we first received it.

•       Notice when you’re complaining. Limit it. Distract yourself with something positive that is realistic and convincing. Really take time for things you enjoy.

•       Be mindful and smart about who you invite to the front rows of your theater: surround yourself with positive people as much as possible.

We all know that above suggestions are easier said than done. Not every technique leads to success in every situation. Choose a few techniques that you can practice every day and choose specific techniques that fit the situation you are facing.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain

https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#2926963e183c

Questions you need to ask as a leader

Leading yourself, leading others, and leading change are the three main responsibilities of any leader. Easier said than done, of course. For you to be successful in these areas you need quite a few ingredients. Industry savvy, emotional intelligence, strategic thinking, influencing skills, courage, credibility, accountability, resilience…. I could go on for quite some time. 

A different way of looking at successful leadership is to formulate questions that a leader should ask. Eleven examples out of the many great questions are:

1 How can I help my staff be more successful?
2 How can I and we best serve our clients and stakeholders?
3 What am I typically allergic to and how can I grow in these areas?
4 Who should I surround myself with to compensate my own weaknesses? 
5 How can I more successfully stress-test my assumptions and my decisions? 
6 How can I help myself / staff more successfully embrace ambiguity, change?
7 How can I ensure all ideas are heard, that the best ideas are coming forward?
8 What would my people say about me if they felt totally free to speak? 
9 What may I be regularly missing, misperceiving, exaggerating, forcing? 
10 What is my leadership philosophy and have I shared it with my people?
11 How will my ideas and proposed changes impact the organization's culture?

Questions can help develop people, re-frame issues, re-direct energy and attention, acknowledge and encourage people, and open long closed blinds. 
Any questions that you wish to add? 

Reflection Time

Most of the leaders that I coach are busy. That's a fact. They are real busy meeting, strategizing, traveling, implementing, overseeing, guiding... The occasional client reflects regularly yet that's the exception. The majority of the leaders I work with tell me there’s not much time to reflect (read: no time at all). And that’s a lousy excuse for not reserving time to do what really improves your professional effectiveness, your EQ, and your wellbeing and that of your staff. Below you find some of the reflection questions my clients have found helpful. And let’s say it as it is: we all take showers, we all wait in line, we all drive or ride public transportation, and we all have many other moments that we can use for reflection if we really want to: 

- What matters most to me? Is that what I spend most of my time on?

- Which values guide me? Do my actions really show this? Do my people know?

- Who have I influenced lately? Today? How is this benefiting them?

- What two ‘things’ inspire and energize me most? How do I grow from this?

- What do I hate when people say this about me? May there be truth in this?

- How focused and present in the here-and-now was I really today?

- What do I tend to deceive myself about? What purpose is this serving?

- What two ‘things’ create stress for me? How may I be creating this myself?

- What am I known for, what is my reputation, how do others describe me?

- What do I better let go off to solidify this position or obtain the next one?

- What are people likely to say about me at the water cooler?

- What do I wish to preserve and take with me regardless where I go?

- What is wise to add to my bag of tools and why haven’t I done this yet?

The most effective ‘reflectionists’ reflect regularly, with input from others who are candid with them, and they follow it up with specific actions to adjust and improve.