Cultivate your Curiosity for increased professional effectiveness

“The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas

as in escaping from the old ones.” 

Economist Maynard Keynes

One definition of curiosity is ‘A strong desire to know or learn something.’ Sounds good right, and sounds like something that most educational institutions and organizations would support. That is unfortunately not always the case, on the contrary! Yet leaving the discussion of the how and why of this unfortunate situation for some other time, I will say that curiosity is stifled in many ways. It is stifled in subtle and brash ways, directly and indirectly, intentionally and unintentionally, and in many other ways. If only they and we would live according to Voltaire's wisdom:

“Judge a man by his questions, rather than his answers.”

French writer, historian, and philosopher Voltaire

If you wish to sign up for more curiosity, please do realize what you ask for. My coaching and workshop clients can be quick to say ‘Yes, of course I value curiosity.’ Yet curiosity has it’s challenges. So here’s my view on what it takes to cultivate and leverage your own and other people's curiosity.

If you want to cultivate curiosity, you have to be willing and ready

to be inquisitive.

to postpone judgment.

to shut up a little longer.

to ask and listen a little more.

to appreciate different perspectives.

to embrace ambiguity and the unknown.

to admit you don’t know it all or know it best.

to not see someone else’s curiosity as test or criticism.

to let others be heard, take the spotlight, and get credit.

to distance yourself from some of your long-held assumptions.

to let others explore, discover, experiment, and make mistakes.

Are you willing? Are you ready?

I'd like to remind you of Albert Einstein's wise words: “The important thing is to not stop questioning.”

That darn difficult word called ‘Sorry’

Early June I was honored to provide a webinar for Xcel Energy on delivering an effective apology. I will restrain myself and not go into the timeliness of this topic, yet you have to admit, we know too many people in politics, business, or at home who could do a much better job at apologizing.

Some people apologize easily and well, of course, others not so much. You may under or over-apologize or just go through the motions with all form but no substance or sincerity, making matters worse. A sincere and well-received ‘I am sorry for…’ and in which you speak the person’s language can help you learn from your interactions, repair the relationship, and restore credibility. So how to do it well? The five main ingredients of an apology, based on Gary Chapman’s book on the topic are:

1.    Express sincere regret openly, so not for the person to read between the lines.

2.    Accept full responsibility, without any type of blaming or excuses thrown in the mix.

3.    Make restitution.

4.    Genuinely repent and

5.    Request forgiveness.

Keep in mind that the apology is about what you did or didn’t say or do yet it is also about the person’s apology needs and language. People show individual differences in what they consider a ‘decent apology’. For Cliff it may be crucial to hear that you understand how deeply you’ve hurt him while Angela wants you to accept full responsibility for what you did. If you speak a different apology-language, emphasize the ‘wrong thing’, the person may not be satisfied with your apology, despite your good intentions.

In addition to Chapman’s five languages of apology I suggest you consider my 5 C’s of an apology. Any apology needs to be courteous, concise, candid, caring, and clear and you want to avoid common pitfalls: blaming, justifications, ifs and buts, excuses, longwinded, repetitive, and reluctant.

Three more examples of ineffective apologies are the excessive apology, over-apologizing and the you-apology. An example of an excessive apology: “I’m so sorry! I feel so bad. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? I feel so bad about this… I am really, really sorry!” Apologizing is meant to rectify a wrong and rebuild a damaged relationship. With excessive apologies you do no such thing because you draw attention to your own feelings, rather than to what you’ve done to another person. When you over-apologize you say “I’m sorry” for things that do not merit an apology. This is often rooted in upbringing and parental values on politeness and may reflect a tendency towards conflict-aversion and pre-emptive peace keeping. Regardless of how well intentioned, over-apologizing undermines confidence and credibility, it dilutes the power of the phrase when you do need it and it may be received as a way to seek re-assurance. Lastly, “I’m sorry you did not understand me” does NOT qualify as a true apology because you want to stay in the first person and refrain from any kind of accusing.

  

Advising clients in uncertain times

In June 2017 I had the pleasure to return to one of the many conferences for lawyers in the Twin Cities. Grateful for being invited as the closing keynote speaker at the Health Law Institute, I'll share a few practical suggestions from my talk “Advising clients in uncertain times.”

There is no shortage or uncertainty, unpredictability, and complexity these days. Regardless of your field of expertise and your specific role, following tips may help you deal with uncertainty when advising your clients:

1.    Know your own relationship with and responses to uncertainty and unpredictability:

a.     How does it affect your own moods, behavior, patience etc.

b.     How do you show your discomfort, in obvious and less obvious ways.

2.    Understand possible client feelings of confusion, dependence, anxiety, stress, frustration, and anger as ‘normal’, self-preserving responses to an ‘abnormal’ situation.

3. Know that one of the brain’s main functions is prediction and that it dislikes uncertainty. Our brain registers uncertainty as some kind of pain and danger that needs to be avoided, either by denying or fighting it. This triggers a threat and alert response in the amygdalae in our limbic system. The more resources are used by the limbic system, the fewer are left for the prefrontal cortex to do it’s work, which includes logical thinking, analyzing, problem-solving and the like. 

4. Focus even more on being trustworthy and dependable. This minimizes unnecessary uncertainty and stress and it increases the client's trust in you.

5. Assure that the content of your written and spoken communication is absolutely structured, consistent, logical, and repeated.

6. Own any mistakes you may make and amend them immediately to restore credibility. If you apologize while presenting the cure and displaying humble confidence, it does not make you look weak unless you keep making (the same) mistakes.

7. Anticipate individual variability in responses to uncertainty. Your client may stall necessary action, seek excessive reassurance, hear what they want to hear, and want to double check disproportionately where they wouldn’t in more certain times.

8. Find predictable elements of the situation, help focus on what matters most and on what can be controlled. 

9. Help the client create different scenarios and contingencies.

10. Provide certainty and clarity of process.

11. Focus even more on “extreme trust”. For that I refer to Stephen Covey’s 13 trust building behaviors (book The Speed of Trust): Talk straight - Demonstrate respect - Create transparency - Right wrongs - Show loyalty - Deliver results - Get better - Confront reality - Clarify expectations - Practice accountability - Extend trust - Keep commitments - Listen first!

Lastly, when dealing with complicated matter, remember to apply:

Metacognition: Think about your own thinking. Is it sound, diverse, critical?

Reflection: Which cognitive biases and thinking errors may be at play here?

Consultation with contrarians: True teamwork depends on appreciating, seeking, and fully utilizing a wide variety of thinking styles and approaches.

Avoidance of tendencies such as emotional reasoning, allowing personal likes and dislikes to cloud your thinking, and over- or under-simplification.

Answer 8 questions before accepting a (new) leadership position

In "The Art of War for Women - Sun Tzu's ultimate guide to winning without confrontation" by Chin-Ning Chu, a case is made for the importance of mental strength. As I assume we can all agree, mental strength is vital to your success at any level in any industry and in any culture. "If you cannot handle the pain of setbacks, don't take on a leadership role in the battlefield of either business or life." is one of the numerous thought provokers from this book.

On page 147 and 148, Chin-Ning Chu presents 8 questions that should be answered affirmatively before accepting a (new) leadership position: 

1. Do I posses the ability to be decisive?

2. Do I have the guts to complete the necessary tasks?

3. Am I willing to take calculated risks?

4. Do I have the stomach to handle the unpredictable setbacks?

5. Do I possess an uncrushable strength?

6. If my plan fails, am I resilient enough to bounce back?

7. Do I have the ability to bear humiliation? 

8. Can I endure trying times?

Wishing you candid self-reflection!

The Psychology behind Organization Development Work

This post is inspired by two days at the University of Minnesota – College of Continuing and Professional Studies, packed with curious people who brought a rich diversity of work and life experiences to our Organization Development Course. Stephanie and I greatly enjoyed and appreciated working with you all!

When it comes to Organization Development (OD) work, there is so much to discuss. This post focuses solely on some of the psychology behind OD work. Lets start with things you don’t need in OD work (or any other work):

1.    You don’t need to own the client’s problem.

2.    You don’t always need to be the smartest in the room.

3.    You don’t always need to be right.

Equally important of course is what you do need in order to be effective in any kind of OD work, such as the ability to:

-       Observe astutely

-       Ask powerful questions

-       Reflect regularly and thoroughly

-       Listen just a little longer than you may want to

-       Understand the influence of self (strength, weaknesses, experiences)

-       Think and help think in alternatives and solicit and utilize multiple perspectives

These six ingredients form the foundation of any success in OD work yet they are only the beginning of course. There are a myriad of other OD competencies, to mention just a few: knowledge of the business / industry / organization, research methods, management / organization theory, teamwork / collaboration, dealing with ambiguity, organization behavior, resource management, and project management. Enough to work on I’d say. 

Returning to the psychology of OD work, I think there are six crucial C’s in any OD role in addition to understanding the system and the technicalities of your field:

✓ Curiosity

✓ Candor

✓ Courage

✓ Creativity

✓ Confidence

✓ Communication

You want to apply all of the above with the right intention, timing, strength and focus in order to be effective. Ask yourself, which one of these comes natural to me and which ones do not? Which C’s may I be overusing in challenging situations, since an over-used strength easily turns into a liability? And which ones may I be neglecting or even shying away from and for what reasons?

Much of OD work is people-work so we discussed tempting, human pitfalls. They are nothing to be embarrassed or afraid about, yet you want to recognize and handle these tendencies to move from awareness and acknowledgement to accountability and action – my 4 A’s of professional effectiveness. Example tendencies are:

-       Getting sucked into personal drama

-       Communicating by verbal ping pong

-       Focusing in who is wrong and who is right

-       Being oblivious to the box you are in

-       Complaining, blaming or wanting to fix others

-       Getting in your own/your client’s way by not managing your hot buttons

There's much more to say about the psychology of OD work yet I’ll leave you with some of the many helpful questions to ask yourself and to ask others:

What may I/they be missing?

What may I/they be misinterpreting?

What may I/they be repeating from some other context?

What may I/they be really needing right now or protecting?

What can be truly different lenses to look at this situation?

What may we confuse as a problem to be solved where it's a polarity to be managed? 

The Power of Your Beliefs and Thoughts - Talk at St. Catherine's University

This post is based on a talk at St. Catherine’s University at the Leadership Imperative Conference for women leaders. Honored, humbled, and enriched I left this day having enjoyed so much wisdom from and for women leaders! Cindy Kent, general manager of Infection Prevention Division at 3M provided a powerful and inspiring closing keynote, sharing her personal and professional journey with us. Thank you Cindy! Also a warm-felt ‘thank you’ to everyone who participated in my talk “The Power of Beliefs and Thoughts” and for your very appreciative feedback about the content and delivery of this talk. Some key points to emphasize:

- Learning requires curiosity, creativity, candor, and courage.
- We often do not realize how incomplete and subjective our perceptions are.

- You and only you are responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

- Identify your musts and ask whether they should be musts or rather preferences.

- You may not be fit to lead if your greatest strength is seeing weakness in you, in others, or both.

- We regularly deceive ourselves, driven by the need to protect our image and self-esteem.

- The biggest gift to ourselves and others is listening a little longer and postponing judgment.

- There is wisdom to be gained from asking positive, self-critical questions such as

o   What if I am (partially) wrong?

o   What may I be missing or misinterpreting?

o   Could I be clinging to untested assumptions?
o   Which opinions and perspectives am I not soliciting?

o   Which biases and hot buttons could be at work right now?

o   What assumptions and thoughts might lead to a better outcome?

o   What if I am focusing on the wrong thing or on too many things?

o   How much will 'this' still matter tomorrow, next week, next month?

I’d like to close with the thought that the best leaders allow themselves to be persuaded. I think of Alan Mulally, former FORD executive, who is said to be exceptionally skeptical of his own opinions, and I think of Christine Lagarde, head of the International Monetary Fund, who is known to seek out information that disproves her beliefs about the world and herself. How smart, right?!