Rocking the Boat: A couple of coaching assumptions and questions

“Confrontational, eye-opening, and refreshing.”

“No-escape conversations about what really matters.”

“Brutally candid, very direct, and respectfully in-your-face.”

These are some of the phrases that my clients use when they describe my style and interventions. And they are right. I do not shy away from confrontation or conflict. I disrupt where necessary to reach objectives at a good pace. I provoke if that's what it takes to open eyes and decrease blind spots. 

Of course I do this because I deeply care for my clients. I professionally care enough to risk misinterpretation of my interventions and to risk discontinuation of a project. It hasn't happened yet, but I've been close twice. However, my clients quickly experience  deep professional care for their professional and personal well-being. And they learn that my assumptions about people are different than those of most coaches. Six of these assumptions are: 

1.    People grow and change in response to challenges.

2.    The client loses when a coach beats around the bush, sugar-coats, postpones, delays, or rephrases as opposed to courageous, direct, candid and, if need be, confrontational and provocative interactions.

3.    In a trusting and transparent relationship people can handle confrontations, provocations and the (sometimes brutal) truth.

4.    People have a greater ability to change than is often assumed by coaches and themselves. 


5.    The psychological fragility of people is frequently overstated by both themselves and others.

6.    Unproductive behaviors can be drastically altered, no matter how seemingly severe.

These assumptions lead to a direct, candid, and if need be provocative approach which in turn leads to quicker and more sustainable results. No sugar coating or procrastinating, instead, you will face unpleasant truths and embrace radically different perspectives. In provocative coaching you will face your idiosyncrasies and challenges head-on. Not to dismiss, judge, or condemn them, but to see them for what they are and how they play their part in what you accomplish - and what you don't. 

Just a few of the many coaching questions that I have found very useful:

1. Related to your coaching objectives, think about what you are not telling me, what you are not showing me, what you are hiding from me? Follow-up question: What is keeping you from full disclosure?

2. What is that you are not admitting to yourself? In which ways and in which areas are you deceiving yourself?

Follow-up question: Can you list all the benefits from this self-deceit?

3. What do you gain from your problems? What would you lose if your problems, that led to these coaching sessions, were all solved?

4. What have you purposefully done lately to surround yourself with people who challenge you and are willing to oppose you?

Follow-up question: To what extend do you use their perspectives to really grow? 

Which are your provocative responses and practices?
And for examples of really provocative interventions, keep an eye on my next blog post. 

Simple Yet Hard: Back To Basics - Critical Skills In The Workplace

We’re all busy so let’s keep this post lean. I threw out irrelevant introductions and explanations you can do without. Will you make time to read just under 270 characters?

Critical skill number 1: Questioning

This is the ability to effectively and efficiently explore business issues and challenges in a way that demonstrates your understanding of someone’s business, of your own expertise and its place, and of your interest in the organization and its people. Asking relevant questions remains to be more effective than providing the right answers. Ask, not talk!

Critical skill number 2: Listening

This is the underrated ability to focus on, hear, and process both the content and the process side of messages, i.e. the emotions and intentions that come with the content. What messages are you sending besides your words? What messages are you receiving during the conversation? Take notice!

Critical skill number 3: Positioning

This is the ability to convey credibility and to persuasively link business issues with solutions that add demonstrable value to the business. Every time you are present, you present yourself, your expertise, your product or service, and your organization. Make it crisp and clear. Convince!  

Critical skill number 4: Checking

The ability to check, double check whether interpretations coincide, whether intention and effect are aligned, and whether what had to be said and heard is actually said and heard. Checking includes eliciting feedback that ensures your business partner or customer feels heard and that expresses your desire to have a deeper understanding of their perspective.

Thoughts on Perfectionism

Do you know the difference between working to be perfect

And working to be powerful?

Do you know when perfectionism is helping you accomplish goals

And when it is blocking and hindering you?

Perfectionism undermines risk-taking and learning.

Perfectionism carries the risk of anxiety and stress.

Perfectionism causes resistance to feedback.

Perfectionism threatens recognition and engagement.

Perfectionism disables and destabilizes in the worst possible way.

Perfectionism can be deadly.

One key to becoming powerful is to know

That perfectionism is only beneficial in some situations.

Another one is to accept

Your imperfections.

What can you be more accepting of about yourself?

What can you be more accepting of with others?

Beliefs that create success

I selected beliefs that may help you create success, based on cognitive psychology and the power of your mind, your beliefs, and your thoughts. Beliefs that have created success for my clients and for myself. There are many more, which I might share in a later post, but today I'll stick with the following nine beliefs: 

Belief #1

A pretty good predictor of success is your capability to be persistent and resilient in the face of false starts, wrong turns, and dead ends.

Belief #2

How you treat others in the course of conducting your business and your relationships is the most obvious indicator of what kind of person you are.

Belief # 3

Applicable in families, organizations, everywhere: Freedom is essential to the development of personal responsibility.

Belief #4

Candor and courage are at the heart of growth, at the heart of collaboration, at the heart of success, and at the heart of a meaningful life.

Belief #5

No single aspect, behavior, dynamic, person, or element makes sense without realizing the full extent of its connection to the total system which it is part of.

Belief #6

Stepping back, reflecting, and being fully present and aware ‘right here and now’ are indispensable steps to moving forward.

Belief #7

Single-minded thinking, limited perspectives, and premature judgments are at the heart of distrust, conflict, and stagnation.

Belief #8

The power over your own mind, thoughts, and actions (and in that order) is the only power that really creates results.

Belief #9

The biggest gift to yourself and to others is ways to improve the five C’s: critical thinking, creativity, courage, communication, and collaboration.