I do not mind to be the one to bring it up

The most destructive conversations in the workplace are the ones left unsaid. 

Most people instinctively avoid conflict even though good disagreement is central to progress.

  

Conflict avoidance and selective blindness lead managers, employees, and organizations astray.

Self-deception is inherent in the psychology of human beings. Self-deluded people believe that intention automatically translates into behavior.

The best partners aren’t echo-chambers and yes-men. The best teams allow people to deeply disagree.

One of the saddest phrases in the workplace: No one ever told me. 

When you avoid negative feedback and conflict, you lack accountability and you do a disservice to all involved. You waste everyone’s time.

There are many situations in the workplace where conversations benefit from subtlety and nuance. There are at least as many that need plain directness and courageous candor.

I choose my top two and went to work. 

Which one needs your attention most? Choose and get going. Now. 

Now isn't just the best time, but really the only time to start growing and improving. 

Wisdom from Lao Tzu

Bits and pieces from the Tao Te Ching. No explanations needed.

The best leader is one whose existence is barely known

Next best is one who is loved and praised

Next is one who is feared

Worst of all is a leader who is despised

If you fail to trust people

They won’t turn out to be trustworthy

The wise person sets an example by

         Emptying his mind

         Opening his heart

         Relaxing his ambitions

         Relinquishing his desires

         Cultivating his character

Having conquered his own cunning and cravings

He can’t be manipulated by anyone.

Knowing others is intelligence

Knowing the self is enlightenment

Conquering others is power

Conquering the self is strength

Know what is enough, and you’ll be rich

Persevere, and you’ll develop a will

Remain in the center, and you’ll always be at home

The wise person acts without effort

And teaches by quiet example

He accepts things as they come

Creates without possessing

Nourishes without demanding

Accomplishes without taking credit.

That the birds of worry fly over your head

This you cannot prevent

But that they build nests in your hair

This you can!

The five colors blind the eye

The five tones deafen the ear

The five flavors overwhelm the palate

Fancy things get in the way of one’s growth

Racing here and there

Hunting for this and that

Good ways to madden your mind, that’s all

Relinquish what is without

Cultivate what is within

Live for your center, not your senses

If you compete with no one

No one can compete with you.

Rocking the Boat: A couple of coaching assumptions and questions

“Confrontational, eye-opening, and refreshing.”

“No-escape conversations about what really matters.”

“Brutally candid, very direct, and respectfully in-your-face.”

These are some of the phrases that my clients use when they describe my style and interventions. And they are right. I do not shy away from confrontation or conflict. I disrupt where necessary to reach objectives at a good pace. I provoke if that's what it takes to open eyes and decrease blind spots. 

Of course I do this because I deeply care for my clients. I professionally care enough to risk misinterpretation of my interventions and to risk discontinuation of a project. It hasn't happened yet, but I've been close twice. However, my clients quickly experience  deep professional care for their professional and personal well-being. And they learn that my assumptions about people are different than those of most coaches. Six of these assumptions are: 

1.    People grow and change in response to challenges.

2.    The client loses when a coach beats around the bush, sugar-coats, postpones, delays, or rephrases as opposed to courageous, direct, candid and, if need be, confrontational and provocative interactions.

3.    In a trusting and transparent relationship people can handle confrontations, provocations and the (sometimes brutal) truth.

4.    People have a greater ability to change than is often assumed by coaches and themselves. 


5.    The psychological fragility of people is frequently overstated by both themselves and others.

6.    Unproductive behaviors can be drastically altered, no matter how seemingly severe.

These assumptions lead to a direct, candid, and if need be provocative approach which in turn leads to quicker and more sustainable results. No sugar coating or procrastinating, instead, you will face unpleasant truths and embrace radically different perspectives. In provocative coaching you will face your idiosyncrasies and challenges head-on. Not to dismiss, judge, or condemn them, but to see them for what they are and how they play their part in what you accomplish - and what you don't. 

Just a few of the many coaching questions that I have found very useful:

1. Related to your coaching objectives, think about what you are not telling me, what you are not showing me, what you are hiding from me? Follow-up question: What is keeping you from full disclosure?

2. What is that you are not admitting to yourself? In which ways and in which areas are you deceiving yourself?

Follow-up question: Can you list all the benefits from this self-deceit?

3. What do you gain from your problems? What would you lose if your problems, that led to these coaching sessions, were all solved?

4. What have you purposefully done lately to surround yourself with people who challenge you and are willing to oppose you?

Follow-up question: To what extend do you use their perspectives to really grow? 

Which are your provocative responses and practices?
And for examples of really provocative interventions, keep an eye on my next blog post.