Easy, Quick Exercises to Increase Awareness & Focus

Buddhist monks and the like excluded, we all have difficulty being fully aware and present in the moment. Many of us suck at focusing on what’s going on here and now whenever it requires us  longer than 60 seconds. 

We have a hard time fully staying with all our focus and attention with the conversation at hand, because we are distracted by worries and excitements about past or future events and by in-the-moment distractions through our smart devices, bodily sensations, or any of our numerous thoughts. If you wish to change this, practice these six easy and quick exercises. It will improve your awareness, strengthen your focus, and help keep your attention fixed in the present moment. 

1. One minute check-in

Sit or stand somewhere comfortably and focus your attention completely on the physical sensation of your body, whether it is the feeling of your buttocks on a soft surface or your feet standing on the floor. Focus on nothing else than your buttocks or feet. Focus your attention on their warmth, the pressure exerted, or the tension in your muscles. Notice how this body part feels. Don’t judge or explain it, just notice.

2. 45 Seconds of conscious observation

Choose an object in your proximity such as a cup, pen, bag etc. yet not your phone. Set a timer for 45 seconds (here your phone is useful) and hold the object in your hands, turn it around as you please. Take in the object with all your senses for 45 seconds. Fully absorb the object. Look at colors, shape, and size and feel the material. Make sure not to study your object intellectually – just observe it for what it is to experience a heightened 'being in the now’.  

3. Count down

Close your eyes and focus your complete attention on slowly counting down from ten. If your concentration wanders off, you simply start back at number 10 without judging or condemning the fact that you're starting all over. Most people have to re-start multiple times, that’s okay. It may go like this: “Ten, nine - When's the deadline for my proposal? Whoops, I’m thinking, not counting. “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six … “ Who is Tim talking to on the phone, he seems upset? Oh dear, I’m not focused on my counting. Lets start again! …

4. One sense only

When you're brushing your teeth in the morning or eating lunch at work, decide to focus on one sense and one sense only. For example: focus on just the smell of the toothpaste for the duration of the brushing. Or focus on the texture of the food, just the texture and nothing else. Notice how it feels in your mouth and on your teeth.

5. Focus through repetition

Choose an inspiring phrase and repeat it silently in your mind for 90 seconds. When you notice another word or sentence entering your mind, start again and repeat until you reach 90 seconds of uninterrupted repetition of your phrase. A few examples:

- I appreciate the things I'm inclined to take for granted.

- I will do others a favor by delaying judgment.

- I'll muster the courage to unmask those reassuring lies we love to tell ourselves.

6. Unexpected guest

When someone comes to your desk or into your office unexpectedly:

- Stop what you are doing, turn your body to face the person, make eye contact, and focus completely on the person.

- Instead of labeling it as an interruption, see what happens if you smile, welcome, breathe, and listen.

- Whether you decide to meet with the person right there and then or not, make sure to leave the interaction with a genuine feeling of focused contact.

As you practice these six exercises daily, don’t judge or condemn diversions and distractions. Whatever grabs your attention, whether it comes from outside (people laughing, a car engine, or the coffee machine) or whether it comes from within (rumbling stomach, fatigue, or thoughts about the 3pm meeting), I ask you to accept the distraction as a fact right here and now, and then push it aside gently for a later time to pay attention to. Nonjudgmentally release any thoughts of the past or the future. Slow down, re-focus completely on your exercise, and remember: Constant practice is the key to success.

Want to get better at handling tough conversations?

Early January I had the honor and pleasure to be back at the webcast studio of Minnesota Continuing Legal Education in downtown Minneapolis. This time I was asked to speak about "The How of Tough Conversations". 

I will share seven elements of this presentation that should strengthen your confidence, insight, and skill in handling a variety of tough conversations. Regardless of the exact nature of your conversation or circumstances, many tough conversations are unpredictable, emotional, and draining. Therefore:  

1. Schedule your conversation early in the day, if you have any control over the timing, to feel as fresh, sharp, and positive as you can. Since we all have a limited amount of mental energy (and thus limited self-control) make sure not to have to exert unnecessary self-control on things that you can do after your conversation or that don't need to be addressed at all! You want to keep sufficient reserves of mental energy for your difficult conversation. 

2. Prepare yourself physically:

- Deep breathing: 6 of them (about 55 seconds!) will already slow down your heart rate and provide your body with the necessary oxygen, including your brain and it's amygdalae (your fear center, involved in processing emotional memory and responding to stressful situations) and your prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision making, personality expression, and moderating social behavior).

- Power posing: a great source to learn about the positive effects of power posing is a TED talk by social psychologist Amy Cuddy, but in brief, if you perform power poses your dominance hormone testosterone goes up and your stress hormone cortisol goes down.

3. Reflect on your fears, needs, assumptions, and thinking flaws that may be at play in this situation. For example: you fear that you won’t be able to contain your frustration, you may be driven by the need to always appear in control, your assumption about the person could be that she’s driven by a wish to outsmart you and your most prominent thinking flaws are drawing premature conclusions and taking things too personal. A great resource on examining and correcting assumptions and thinking distortions is “How to Keep People from Pushing your Buttons” by one of my 'mentors' Albert Ellis. 

4. Know your expectations and make sure they are realistic. Check your partner’s expectations and how he perceives yours. Only if you ask questions about expectations and goals is it possible to align. 

5. Increase your awareness during the conversation: what do you sense in your body (tensing of shoulder muscles?) and which emotions are developing (anxiety)? Emotions provide valuable information to evaluate and guide your thinking and acting. Also use heightened awareness to understand what your conversation partner may be experiencing in the here-and-now. However check your assumptions about the person and delay your judgments – you’ll do yourself and the relationship a great favor.

6. Ask more and better questions. Not questions to prove your point, but questions to understand the person better. Then listen and observe attentively. Remember, most of us are lousy listeners because we allow our own needs, fears and thinking flaws to dominate and we too easily give free reign to internal and external distractions. Hence the importance of awareness in the here-and-now. 

7. Distinguish between the content of a conversation and the relationship or process aspects of that conversation. A great article on this topic is:  https://hbr.org/2016/01/defusing-an-emotionally-charged-conversation-with-a-colleague

Practice makes progress, so use these tips in your next tough conversation!  

Book Review “The Ten Golden Rules of Leadership”

Book Review “The Ten Golden Rules of Leadership”

Classical wisdom for modern leaders by Michael A. Soupios

Michael Soupios applies thoughts and practices from Greek philosophers to the field of leadership. I want to share eight of his ten rules - they are easy to write about yet challenging to live by when the going gets tough. May they invite you to reflect on and question as well as fine-tune your own leadership practices.

‘Know Thyself’ – Thales

Self-comprehension is a fundamental precondition for effective leadership, but you first have to overcome three hurdles:

1.    Society’s distractions that keep you from meaningful self-inquiry.

2.    Self-defense tendencies such as obscuring, distorting, and fictionalizing on behalf of a fabricated reality that fits your needs.

3.    Your tendency to seek out a maximum of pleasure (hedonistic principle), so why would you engage in painful and candid self-exploration and self-confrontation?

When your self-assurance becomes rash presumption, you turn from a valuable asset to a dangerous liability. If you take success for granted because of earlier success, complacency will follow. Success requires continuous effort and humility that acknowledges the possibility of defeat.

Office shows the person – Pittacus

The investment of power and authority in a person rapidly reveals their inner qualities. Power will reflect what no resume does: the person’s psychological disposition. Misuse of power can be a psychological deficiency: Power becomes a compensatory asset - a defense mechanism to counterbalance feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability. The abusive application of power (the need to control and dominate) becomes a way to attain a sense of security and confidence. Of the many potential shortcomings a leader can bring to an organization, arbitrary application of power is lethal: Criticizing, micromanaging, second-guessing, or bullying others creates a toxic and unproductive environment where people watch their backs and avoid risks.

Nurture community in the workplace – Plato

Community development and positive group sentiment are virtues that leaders must nurture by providing the right support and incentives. For this to happen, leaders have to conquer three obstacles and help their staff do the same: “Individualism” (I before We), a lack of willingness to critically self-assess and the myth of the lone, maverick, self-made genius.

Do not waste energy on things you cannot change – Aristophanes

Leaders must assume a posture of flexible response: Quick to take advantage of new opportunities and quick to discard practices that offer little prospect of benefit. Honest failure should be forgiven but intentional and hypocritical refusal to own up is very harmful. A leader’s capability to disregard a failing project and act accountable for failure is a reflection of his ego status and character. Do you have the confidence and courage to acknowledge your limitations and misjudgments?

Always embrace the truth – Antisthenes

Effective leaders embrace the truth, in every situation. They encourage candid criticism throughout the organization, they are skeptical of flattering appraisals, and they don’t allow authority to stand between them and the truth. According to Antisthenes there are only two people who will tell you the truth about yourself: An enemy who lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly. Sadly, organizations are rarely inclined to examine their own premises. Instead they want employees to endorse the prevailing system of beliefs. Challenging a leader’s decisions is uncommon but you need to ask yourself: “What do I gain with yes-men who passively accept my predigested views?” I invite you to be among the few who have the maturity and emotional security to invite and accept criticism and dissenting views.

Let competition reveal talent – Hesiod

Knowledgeable employees can be hired yet bringing out their talent and aligning talent with organizational interests requires an environment that allows staff to compete with each other in a constructive way. Leaders want to select individuals in whom contest is likely to generate high levels of enthusiasm and creativity.

Live life by a higher code – Aristotle

Aristotle believed that leaders with high moral standards lead an unusually principled life with a dutiful commitment to personal virtue. Leaders need to earn the trust of their followers for everyone to thrive. This trust doesn’t happen by accident. You earn it not through the power and authority that was assigned to you but through your character and your personal conduct: You invite and value contrarians and don’t hold grudges. You assist those who are in need and don’t ask or expect something in return while remaining calm in the face of crisis.

Always evaluate information with a critical eye – the Skeptics

When you assess information please remember: What was conventional wisdom only yesterday may no longer be valid today. You must consider the circumstances that shaped the information and critically examine the means by which it is conveyed. You want to watch for hidden agendas or political objectives and suspend judgment. Make sure to develop a critical mindset that accepts nothing at face value. 

Lets close with Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living”.

Tackling Change Management Negativity

Change can be hard on people for many different reasons. To mention only a few: many people dislike the uncertainty that comes with change, they do not wish to let go off what they had and know, and they fear loss of status and competency. When preparing for and implementing change, leaders should be prepared for negativity from employees. Here are some tips to reframe, discuss, and redirect negativity in a constructive manner:

1.    Make sure to provide sufficient, timely, repeated, and clear information to decrease the chance of unnecessary uncertainty and confusion.

2.    Take time to address negativity one-on-one and face-to-face rather than sending an email. It’s the interaction during which you gain the best insight into what is bothering this particular person and therefore:

3.    Don’t assume you know the reason for the negativity. Refrain from premature conclusions and quick judgments. Ask questions to dive deeper into the thoughts and fears of the person.

4.    Avoid the trap of taking negativity personal. It’s simply tempting for employees to direct their fears and negativity towards a person, which can be their own manager or top management. This may show itself as casting blame and finger pointing but remember, the negativity is almost always a rejection of the process and an expression of fear and loss of control. 

5.    Ask the person: What is it that you fear and what is it that you need?

6.    Inquire what the person expects and needs from you specifically.

7.    Agree on clear actions, timelines and a mutual understanding of how you will know whether the needs of the person are being met.

8.    Be candid and clear about needs that can't be met or you believe to be unrealistic. 

9.    If there are barriers to direct and honest communication, address them and take measures to prevent them in the future.

10.Make sure to appreciate the candor, vulnerability, and transparency during the conversation.

Yes, all of this requires your time, energy, and focus, which I know are in short supply. Yes it takes patience and perseverance to tackle negativity. But remember, you don’t want to take short-cuts to alleviate tensions superficially or temporarily. Whatever you don’t tackle now and with care will haunt you later, multiplied by built up emotions and by interpretations that have gone wild.

Lets close this post with 20^th century science philosopher Karl Popper:

“All life is problem solving”