We are all lousy listeners …

… even though we know that

Listening builds trust
Listening adds perspective

Listening expands your mind

Listening is a show of respect

Listening breaks down resistance

Listening creates buy-in and support
Listening provides you with feedback

Listening conveys that you are interested

Listening turns you into a well-informed person

Listening helps you understand, remember, interpret and evaluate

Listening expresses that you care about others’ opinions and concerns

But only when it’s real listening, to what is being said and to what is being left unsaid – only then. But only when it’s active listening, with the right kind of questions – only then.

My advise to you and myself: Listen, with your heart and head, while being fully aware and present, in the here and now - It's a hard and important thing to do.

Listening ‘poem’

Fair or not, I blame my aging brain and my very busy life for not knowing where I first laid eyes on this 'Listening Poem' as I call it. I wished I could do honor to the author, so tell me if you know the origin. 

I have written about listening before - about the power of real listening and about the under-estimation and the difficulty of listening. Of real listening. Which is distinctly different from being quiet, as we all know. But lets be honest, knowing and doing are often two very different things. 

Most of us, myself included, are poor listeners, most of the time. To complicate the matter, there are different purposes and thus different kinds of listening. Just to name two: if you wish to understand, you listen with your questions, and if you wish to demonstrate your listening, you let your actions show it. How much and how well do you listen and do you distinguish between the different forms of listening? 

Below poem takes home the point so clearly, I'll let it speak for itself.  

When I ask you to listen to me

And you start giving me advice

You did not do what I asked you to do.

When I ask you to listen to me

And you start explaining

Why I feel the way that I do

You did not do what I asked you to do.

When I ask you to listen to me

And you tell me why I am wrong

You, again, did not do what I asked you to do.

When I ask you to listen to me

And you respond with your own experience

Then you’re preoccupied with yourself, and not with me

When I ask you to listen to me

And you feel obliged to do something to solve my problem

Then you don’t give me what I asked for and what I need.

How strange it may seem

But when you simply accept that I feel what I feel

That I ask time and attention for my story

No matter my feelings and the story

And apart from what you could say about this story and my feelings

Then I can quit trying to persuade you

                                                 And simply tell my story. 

Simple Yet Hard: Back To Basics - Critical Skills In The Workplace

We’re all busy so let’s keep this post lean. I threw out irrelevant introductions and explanations you can do without. Will you make time to read just under 270 characters?

Critical skill number 1: Questioning

This is the ability to effectively and efficiently explore business issues and challenges in a way that demonstrates your understanding of someone’s business, of your own expertise and its place, and of your interest in the organization and its people. Asking relevant questions remains to be more effective than providing the right answers. Ask, not talk!

Critical skill number 2: Listening

This is the underrated ability to focus on, hear, and process both the content and the process side of messages, i.e. the emotions and intentions that come with the content. What messages are you sending besides your words? What messages are you receiving during the conversation? Take notice!

Critical skill number 3: Positioning

This is the ability to convey credibility and to persuasively link business issues with solutions that add demonstrable value to the business. Every time you are present, you present yourself, your expertise, your product or service, and your organization. Make it crisp and clear. Convince!  

Critical skill number 4: Checking

The ability to check, double check whether interpretations coincide, whether intention and effect are aligned, and whether what had to be said and heard is actually said and heard. Checking includes eliciting feedback that ensures your business partner or customer feels heard and that expresses your desire to have a deeper understanding of their perspective.