2. Throwing statements, conclusions, and judgments across the table rather than asking questions and listening to what is being said in words and through non-verbal behavior.
3. Which takes me to: Implying things indirectly rather than stating them openly and directly, and even more of a killer: Denying insinuations and allegations that are clearly implied by what you say, how you say it, or what you neglect to say and do.
4. Finger pointing, blaming, and accusing rather than exploring each person’s perspective and role in the total situation.
5. Preparing your come-back or rebuttal while losing sight of what is being said and meant right here and now as a result of not listening.
6. Confusing someone’s ‘no’ or the communication of boundaries with the person attacking you and your character.
7. The bad old “always” and “never”, often used between arguing partners and in conversations between parents and their children. These words not only rarely apply to situations, they also block any real conversation because they push the other person into ‘defense-mode’ to prove that your exaggerations are unwarranted.
8. Confusing your own subjective and inherently limited reality with the one-and-only reality, closing the door to the world of multiple perspectives and realities.
9. Getting stuck on details when the bigger picture is what matters, or, focusing on the big picture when details are in the way of getting to that larger place.