The why and whereto of candid
conversations have been covered in some of my previous blog posts. Today I
focus on the how-to:
1. Tell the person you have something difficult to say.
2. Optional: Warn the person that she/he might be upset with your
message.
3. Say it immediately. Say it straight. Say it brief. Say it
clearly. (which means no beating around the bush, no sugar coating, no
packaging between niceties.
4. State it as your opinion or suggestions and not as ‘the’ truth since there is no one truth.
5. Clarify that you care for the person, hence your candor and the
risk that comes with this candor.
6. Be prepared for a wide range of emotions and responses. Be prepared for push back.
7. Realize that candor is a two-way
street. Be ready to receive candor
and straight talk and actively ask for it. Listen, ask clarifying questions,
and consider and learn rather than interrupt and counter-argue.
When things go wrong
No matter
how well you prepare and train, things can go wrong. Always. Here are tips to
deal with such situations:
2. Know that very few mistakes are final and fatal – we’re talking
communication and leadership here, not medicine and surgery.
3. Be present in the
here-and-now. Use
your awareness to sense
when it turns bad and make it the topic of conversation.
4. Ask for feedback, suggestions, impressions.
And listen.
5. Clarify again, your intentions and style.
6. Repeat your care and concern for the person, team or
topic.
7. Apologize for the unintended impact
but stick to the message if that is still
what you believe.
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