Just Some Questions for You, That’s All

Part of my early morning routine is starting my MacBook in search for the good stuff by Harvard Business Review, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, the Wharton School of Business, Fast Company, or a good leadership/entrepreneur blog. It provides me with great nutrition for my brain and with new ideas for my talks, workshops and coaching sessions. Sometimes it’s nothing more than a different perspective on an existing concept which helps me look at an idea or event from an unusual angle. I like that, and I’m sure I don’t do enough of it. Neither do you.

This morning, the HBR Tip of the Day caught my eye with the title How to Ask Productive Questions?  Not new, not shockingly different but very relevant. It talks about how you and I make more statements than we ask questions. It talks about the fact that some (or many?) of our “questions” are in name only. I believe this to be true for most of us, and my advice to clients when working to improve their influence through communication is always straightforward: Decide whether to ask a real question or whether to make a clear statement, but decide and do. No deceiving please, because that leaves others misguided, insulted, defensive, confused, suspicious, even distrustful – and righteously so.

Hence I’ll be real clear. I have real questions for you. Questions I suggest you ask yourself in order to keep improving your effectiveness on the job, at home, anywhere.

- What am I not willing to admit?

- How can I find new ways to add meaning to the people on my team?

- Which of my beliefs have become fossilized and might be seducing me to ‘business as usual’?

- To what extent did I live by my values today?

- Am I really ‘there’ when I’m ‘there’, or is it a case of part-time presence? Do I allow distractions to keep me from fully engaging?

- Who impacted me today and how am I going to grow from this now?

- How can I make tomorrow more meaningful than today?

- What have I tried to control, which I know I shouldn’t?

- Was my heart involved in whatever my head focused on today?

- Did I communicate with conviction and clarity?

- Where did I lack the courage to stand up, speak out, be frank, say it straight?

I’d love to hear your question!

Noticing

Noticing.

A skill. A gift. A necessity.

Without it, you dis-engage, you dis-connect.

Without it, you easily disagree, disappoint.

A vast amount of business is conducted (and ruined) in the absence of really noticing. Too many interactions in the workplace (and elsewhere) are starved of full attention, of genuine interest, and of open-minded and focused curiosity.

What it takes to really notice?

Your willingness to work hard on staying in the here-and-now, with awareness of yourself, of the other person, and of what happens in the interaction.

Your skillfulness to pay attention to details and the mundane as well as to the special and the big.

Your keenness to open yourself up so you can sense, wonder, and listen without having to worry about image, heroism, selling, scoring.

Your readiness to welcome candor and directness.

Your eagerness to set aside the many distractions that viciously fight for your attention.

Your adeptness to deal with the unexpected and with what might be uncomfortable.

Noticing: A mindset. A process. A joy. An absolute necessity!

It wouldn’t hurt ...

It wouldn’t hurt you at all …

… to laugh a little more about yourself and your imperfections.

… to be a little more like grass: bending with strong wind instead of tensing up and wasting energy in your quest to desperately try and remain straight at all times.

… to take a decent portion of your childhood curiosity and candor into adulthood. And put it to good use.

… to acknowledge the human tendency toward self-deception and say it straight, as it is, to yourself, for starters.

… to practice the power of water: soft, yet at the same time capable of eroding rocks, with patience and persistence.

… to realize that you are always limited by your own experiences and your own language, no matter how hard you work to understand a Bolivian business partner, a Croatian customer, or a Spanish supplier.

… to spend much more time on expressing gratitude to the many people around you, at work and at home.

… to provide your expertise on a pro-bono basis to people and organizations. Much needed and very rewarding. 

I wouldn’t want you to be anyone’s leader

Among many other things, inspiring and effective leadership is encouraging and enabling others to shine and perform beyond what you yourself, as the leader, are capable of.

If you are afraid to surround yourself with smart people, if you feel threatened by highly capable and clever women and men, I wouldn’t want you to be anyone’s leader.

Among many other things, inspiring and effective leadership is freeing your people of the shackles of fear. Fear of failure, fear of dissent, fear of escaping from conventional wisdom.

If you suppress all risk-taking, if you don’t support and amplify dissident voices, if you worship the ‘good old conventional’ and hoard power, I wouldn’t want you to be anyone’s leader.

Among many other things, inspiring and effective leadership is stimulating your people to demonstrate courage, candor, and care – by demonstrating it yourself, in all you do and say, every day.

If you cannot demonstrate these three Cs, or if you cannot admit your failure to live up to these standards and role-model accountability, I wouldn’t want you to be anyone’s leader.